7th
Hello world of Tumbler
Good morning.
I absolutely don’t want to be awake before 10 am, on what seems to be a beautiful Saturday out there…but when i heard the phone ringing at 9:30 AM i had to come online and make sure my Citi credit card wasn’t late. It wasn’t. It is the WORST card ever. I almost have animosity against the bank, and for that matter citi field now. The only other person i can think to be ringing my phone is my dad.
Last night the girls and myself decided to be brave and go to a party where we didn’t know most of the people..well, any of them. I must say in some ways i was disappointed. I guess it was the first baby step in trying new things and putting myself “out there” (mind you ever since that sex and the city episode where Charlotte is accused by that lady who wrote some book of not being “out there” i have hated that term). I realized that not only do women cyber stalk- men do as well, and for whatever reason, it freaked me out just a little. I reflected back on Mr. Donofrio stating that i need to learn to say no, essentially just walking away from situations i know may be bad…but something’s lingering with this. However, i don’t want to be the latest symptom.
Speaking of Mr. Danafrio… AWKWARD. That is the word of the week. Why am i so afraid to feel awkward? The anxiety i develop right before i feel that a situation may become awkward, is just overwhelming, so i usually do everything in my power to avoid the awkwardness…ultimately making a choice that in the end makes me unhappy. Well, that is going to be my focal point for the next few weeks. It was the first time i couldn’t find a reason for something i was feeling. I have no idea what triggers this at all. I’m sure it’d be good to explore as i know that i don’t confront many situations due to feeling this way, including important conversations…i.e. California.
As for california, I was asked about contact. Unfortunately, it kills me to say that i have tried. I have reached out. I can’t and won’t try anymore. How does something seemingly so good turn so sour? Mr. Donofrio asked if i was okay with my choice of never speaking to him again. It’s not that I’m okay with it, rather i just really feel there’s no point. I know i messed up in some ways, but i reacted to my environment. I stand behind my decision because i know it’s the right one. It’s the answer i would give to a friend in need, and i need to start following more of my own advice. Not a day goes by where i don’t think about him, but what was really there? was there really any substance? or did it fill a void that has been needing to be filled? Probably the latter. I choose my choice and i stand behind it. I just wish it would stop haunting me. Natasha keeps asking me about it. I just want to forget it happened.
Laura is moving to Atlanta. I’m almost envious in a way. who wants to be in a place so cold and gross? I wonder if i’m ever going to be strong enough to make the plunge and get out. On paper i have a lot, but there are still things i feel i am missing. I don’t think i will find it here.
I had a good work week. I didn’t receive a case. can you believe that? i can’t. I helped dawn with her case, but that’s all. I have a family desperately in need of services. i hope that i can get them to accept them. It will be a real joy to me as this nonsense has been going on for 10 years. Who calls the police on her own children 8 times?…and that’s all that’s documented. I believe that my caseload will be at 8 this week. I want to see it at 6. I’m going to do it because I’ve made it a priority. Hopefully it really happens. By the way, i interviewed a man who was released from prison a week before i saw him from 7 years time for Robbery in the first. It wasn’t as scary as i would have thought.
Hello weekend!
